Bollywood- Sales Man Of The Year Award Goes To

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With ‘Rocket Singh –Salesman of the year’ paying an ode to the oiled, over-the-top and dramatic tribe of pushy ‘Salesman’ we do a round-up of the superstars who with their perfect set of white teeth, flawless skin and oodles of superstardom have pushed the poor fashion models to the background and taken the onus of selling us products that we never thought existed or wanted either!

Crisscrossing from the boundaries of cinema to television we had the man- the Mard of Bollywood ahem! Mr. Amitabh Bachchan selling herbal oils, the possession of which was usually frowned upon as the indulgences of hoi polloi by the elite class. But apparently, after the blessings of the Sarkar this relatively Lawaaris oil brand was lapped up in numbers and occupied the much-coveted space on the toiletries shelve with the imported shea butter creams.

And while we were still rubbing our eyes on how the Big B can be all thand thand coolum coolum amidst the eyesore garish backdrops, he made us do a double take and left us Nishabd with promises of miracle churan to cool the Toofan of gastric flatulence.

Well this was just the trickle, the flood of cinema celebrities on television has arrived and how! Taking over the cheesy brand ambassadors, ‘stars’ replaced them with even oilier smiles and taller claims. This new breed of ‘Star’ salesman left us gaping at the undue credit to shady products, stuff you know for sure won’t be around 200 feet of these ‘stars’ under normal circumstances.

Feeding a breed of star-starved nation the ad-man found the perfect savior to bail out a market fed by Chinese products. Roping in the badshahs and shahanshah the average Joe was short changed into believing a complexion makeover of the sort Michael Jackson had by none other than Shahrukh Khan.

Borrowing catchphrases of eunuch beggars, the ‘Fairness cream for men’ ad had overbearing lines like ‘Hai Handsome!’ where Shahrukh preens, pouts and saves the day of a ‘black boy’ while simultaneously skyrocketing the stock of the cream that promises to blur the racial divide with its ‘imported’ ingredients. Well this ‘Salesman’ might have burnt a hole in the company’s budget with his over-the-top endorsement fee, but hey! Who said the world is ‘fair’!

And now, when we are talking of fair it would be highly unfair to leave the fair maidens out of the ‘salesman of the year’ race.

Who else but Asin could have coaxed you to shell out exorbitant sums of money for something you could have easily picked up in the basket sale of Fashion Street.

Here a special mention goes to Salman Khan for his vest-ed interest in Dollar shop stuff. Sallu shows the world that you can get away with anything- including running with kids in a race and beating them to the finish line, is all perfectly fine, as long as you have the right brand of baniyan. Moving on to his ‘Lady love’…

Well one could have never thought that ‘Lady’ Katrina Kaif will be scrubbing clean with a piece of soap that was best left back at the store shelve. But Katrina convincingly demonstrates the wonders of a low-budget soap that will give a clear complexion to a fairly large family. Waltzing between the bathtub and jungle Katrina finds the answer to all her beauty queries and in the process puzzles one and all on her highly questionable choice of bath soap.

Speaking of bathing choices, Kareena Kapoor has nailed it; playing dirty with chocolate this Kapoor kudi sold the dream of a beautiful skin to millions looking deliciously dirty. Who said soap could be sold off only by playing bubbles in bathtub…Kareena proved them wrong by dunking in a bar of dark chocolate soap, which by the way, is way cheaper than an average bar of chocolate.

But that certainly will not qualify Bebo for the salesman of the year award as we yet have to explore the potential of Virar boy, Govinda, and his magical smile, which was never put to adequate use by the dant manjan companies. Nevertheless Govinda shone bright selling hair oil, a match made in heaven only to be destroyed by the Big B. The guy was in his element before Big B stole his show and hair oil.

And for that Big B ends up with the salesman of the year award too, after all, credit does go to him for educating us on the power of a certain washing detergent that makes a white shirt whiter-er-er-est…

-Neha Jain/ Sampurn Media